Someone says something. It’s rude. Offensive. Of the ‘-ist’ variety: racist, sexist, ageist, classist. It makes you–and others–uncomfortable. Yet nobody says anything, because as children we’re taught not to:
- make a scene
- cause a fuss
- call someone out
- start an argument
We are so well-bred. So mannered. And those who aren’t, well, they say what they want and we don’t speak out against them. Our silence makes them bolder. In not refuting the ‘-isms’ expressed, it may seem as if we tacitly approve.
We don’t. And here’s where the rubber meets the road.
Every moment of silence–maintained in deference to politeness–is a small hurt. Imagine grabbing a fold of your soul–like a fold of fat–and pinching. Hard. It’s a sharp pain that subsides quickly, but it leaves a mark like a bruise. Endure enough of these pinches and you’ll find your soul tender, discolored, dulled. Even numbed.
Politeness is essential to a civil society. But that doesn’t mean we should greet uncivil comments, behaviors, actions, with a turn-the-other-cheek response.
Tonight a very, very small pinch brought me to the edge. A seemingly minor comment was the one that woke me up. It came from someone whom I’ve maintained the thinnest of connections with out of courtesy, but like a well-placed punch it connected. Once delivered I could see the motivation behind the pinch–a deliberate urge to provoke conflict. It was a holier-than-thou smack that dared me to speak up–and assumed that I wouldn’t.
That’s been my mistake for over a decade. With this person and so many others. And now I’m done. Tonight, I put that relationship out of my life. I didn’t pinch back. I hit. Hard.
Because the time for silence is over. Rude is the new black. Embrace it with pride, and don’t look back.
Mistakes–we all make ’em. The ability to pivot and correct is a uniquely human trait. So, what’s your pivot? What’s the mistake you’re focused on fixing these days?
Own Up To Your Mistakes 